Find more tips on creating a personalized self-care plan here. Depression can make it tough to do even the things you really want to do, and your partner may not always feel up to following through with plans. You’ve probably encountered quite a few myths about depression. Learning to distinguish myth from reality can make a big difference in how you show up for your partner.
Depression doesn’t go away overnight, and the dial can turn slowly — very slowly. Your patience is an expression of your love and gives the support your partner needs. This is one of the most confusing and painful questions for people in a relationship with someone living with depression. On one hand, depression can take a toll on your relationship, but on the other hand, the partner with depression has the benefit of an immediate support system.
The Most Common Causes of Depression Include:
I do so much for them.’ Try to remember that when it comes to depression, it’s not about you, per se. Are just going to get in the way.” Not to mention, they’ll make you miserable, too. In addition to emotional changes, Dr. Bonior says you may see shifts in your partner’s energy levels and eating habits—but there’s no one-symptom-fits-all situation here. It might meansleeping a lot more or having bouts of insomnia. Perhaps it’s overeating and unhealthy weight gain or an equal and opposite situation of lack of appetite leading to unhealthy weight loss. And when you’re dating someone with depression—which is a super-common and serious condition, BTW,that is estimated to affect 1 in 15 adults each year—that truth can feel especially strong.
ADHD will likely remain part of your relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Exploring new ways to support each other and working to improve communication https://onlinedatingcritic.com/ can go a long way toward making your relationship last. It’s natural to want to support your partner, but it’s just not possible to anticipate every potential concern.
Whether you’re dating a man with depression, a woman with bipolar depression or a person with no mental health history whatsoever, relationships can be tough. Communication, compassion and non-judgment are vital to making a partnership work, with or without depression. Secondly, every person you meet with depression will be at a different point in their recovery. Some may have just been diagnosed; others will have been living with the condition for years.
Avoid Repeating the Same Dating Mistakes
Be honest and open with your partner about how you’re feeling, and encourage them to do the same. This can help avoid misunderstandings and help your partner discover better ways to help you. It’s important to also consider and acknowledge your partner’s feelings.
By learning and practicing new relational skills, you can foster connection and closeness with your partner, even when they are struggling with depression. You can learn how to support your partner and how to be supported. When you’re dating someone with depression, it’s normal to wonder if you have done something wrong when they are upset. Depression is a complex illness that affects mood in myriad ways.
Because depression can lead to feelings of detachment, you might feel like your partner is starting to lose interest. If that happens, don’t just accept it as the new normal without checking in with your partner. “You have a certain intimacy that comes from addressing the fact that there’s a loss of intimacy.” Their depression could also be a mix of these two extremes.
Some days were started with oomph, others started as a drag. It got exhausting and eventually I started feeling depressed, gained a bunch of weight, hated my life. You may be dealing with feelings of loss, even if the relationship was toxic. You can miss certain moments and romanticize them, might be asking “what if” questions, or wonder if you might have made your spouse’s condition worse by leaving.
Be There for Your Partner
If you live together, there’s the issue of dividing up household chores and responsibilities, so neither of you ends up with more than your share of physical or cognitive labor. You want to help your partner and improve your relationship, but you might not know exactly where to start — especially when your efforts to help only make things worse. Estimates suggest anywhere from 2.5 percent to 4 percent of adults live with this condition. That said, ADHD often goes undiagnosed, especially in adults. So it could be even more common than existing research indicates.
“It doesn’t have to be a full sentence, but a quick shorthand to give about when they just need to be alone,” she says. In some couples, the non-depressed partner starts doing the brunt of the chores, like making dinner, paying the bills, and cleaning up, says San. “You can end up with a kind of secondary gain as a depressed person,” she says. “You gain not having to do things, which is bad for various reasons.” Pushing your partner to pitch in doesn’t just take the burden off you—it also gets them active as well. Your partner’s judgment might be affected regardless of which mood state they’re in. Ever met someone SO happy that they can’t fathom what depression feels like?
The first step is to encourage your partner to get out of their comfort zone and follow through on your plans, says Kissen. But if they insist on skipping, you can only control your own actions—not theirs. “If someone is pretty set on not doing something, then it’s about looking out for your own needs and saying, ‘This is important to me and I’m going to do it anyway,'” she says. “Don’t change your life to accommodate for someone’s depression.”
About 18 million Americans suffer from depression and another 20 million worldwide use dating websites each month, according to Online Dating Magazine. Tammy Worth is a freelance healthcare reporter with over 20 years of experience. Her work appears across several publications including The Economist, Bloomberg, Health, Leader’s Edge, WebMD, and KCPT, Kansas City’s public television station. That said, meeting a new person can also be a source of joy. Understand that while the right partner may help you get through depression, the wrong person might make your recovery process worse. If your medication is getting in the way of enjoying sex with your partner, it’s okay to inform your partner about these side effects.